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Rape in a London church that remained silent.
Published: 7 May 2024
This is a personal account of a rape that occurred in the SAINT church community, in central London, highlighting the church’s response to sexual assault and its institutional reticence to acknowledge its responsibilities.
Despite the Crown Prosecution Service charging the perpetrator with rape, the church failed to issue a timely or victim-centred statement or offer real support following his death. Continued inaction and excuses from church officials became apparent even though multiple victims of the perpetrator’s violence had come forward and/or were known about.
What happened
I am sharing this as I can no longer stay silent. I remained so for months, watching SAINT church continue as normal in silence, in the knowledge of the disclosure about and charge of rape of one of their volunteers. I am the person he raped.
I had trusted Nicholas Leger (Nick Cant) through SAINT church, and as my fellow church member, I had assumed I could trust him as a friend. The trust ended abruptly when Nick Leger (Nick Cant) raped me in March 2022. I took the swiftest action I could to notify the church and the authorities.
After my disclosure to the church at the end of March 2022, the SAINT leader signposted me to a sexual assault referral centre and checked in with me once afterwards and once again in April 2022. Following this, I did not receive any pastoral support from the church, but I remained a congregation member there. In July 2022, I shared with that leader that I was having daily suicidal thoughts because of PTSD following Nick’s rape. After this conversation, I received no initiated contact from this leader until 21 February 2023 when they contacted me to let me know that Nick had killed himself.
Between May and September 2022, a SAINT pastor met with Nick 8 times to provide pastoral sessions.
Members of the church and staff team had continued to drink beer and go on trips with Nick after his arrest. They posted this on social media – where I could see it. A leader’s response to shock and anger at seeing men in the church respond this way was, “What would you do if he was your brother?”
The case was strong, and after reviewing the evidence in the police investigation, the CPS instructed the police to charge him with rape. They did so and served him a court summons to face that charge; a court hearing date had been set. Instead, Nick spoke to his lawyer, and then that evening, chose to kill himself. It transpired that I was not the only person whom he had sexually violated.
(For context, the burden of proof to bring a charge of rape against someone in this country is high. Rape is one of the hardest crimes to prosecute. CPS lawyers must decide that it is ‘more likely than not’ the case will result in a conviction in court, upon assessment of all evidence collected in the police investigation, Nicholas Leger (Cant) was considered guilty of rape at the civil standard of proof, and the CPS believed it more likely than not he would be found guilty at the criminal standard of proof at trial. A result of such a high evidential threshold is that only 1.9% of the 67,169 rapes reported to the police in England and Wales in 2022 resulted in a charge. This case was one of them.)
Meanwhile, I struggled to get SAINT church and the London Diocese Safeguarding team to take it seriously. The church did not make a statement after Nick’s death when the police investigation had ended. No legal restrictions were preventing them from doing so.
Four days after his death, the church told me they may be holding his funeral at SAINT church. I still attended the church at the time and so told them of my concerns about this. I was told the church did not plan to tell his family (who were in contact with the church) the facts of the situation, but they said that hopefully they may find out themselves and choose not to hold the funeral at SAINT. This is indeed what happened, but a memorial in celebration of his life was held elsewhere and many people from the SAINT community were invited and attended with no knowledge of what happened. I asked the church to make a statement of the legal facts. I explained that as it was already clear there were other victims, there were likely to be more, and they should be provided with the opportunity to access support. The church refused to make a statement.
At this point, I wrote to the London Diocese and the church to advise that if they did not say anything publicly, then I would. The church and London Diocese then arranged a meeting with me on 16 March 2023. In this meeting they reaffirmed that they would not make a public statement but said that the church would read a pre-written statement out to people the church had identified as knowing something about the situation. The church met with those people individually and read out their statement to them. I was told that many of Nick’s friends had known about the situation from Nick and had called SAINT church leaders claiming Nick had been “kicked out” of SAINT church and had not been supported by them. Nick had not been “kicked out” of SAINT church but he had been limited to only attending the West Ham site of SAINT church whilst there was an ongoing investigation (after his arrest in May, Nick’s bail conditions also prohibited him from attending the SAINT Shoreditch site). This exercise provided the church with the opportunity to correct the record with these specific people that Nick had not been “kicked out”, whilst retaining a public silence on the matter. The verbal statement did not allow potential other victims to be made aware of these events or allow them to access support.
Signs were missed. ‘There is something off about him’ and ‘I feel uncomfortable around him’ were statements from women in the congregation that should have received follow-up. Information about a second person Nick assaulted was relayed to the church by the police in spring 2022. Additionally, I notified church leadership of another church member’s description to me of Nick sexually assaulting them. I have discovered there was another formal disclosure of sexual assault to the church, besides me, against Nick. This is in addition to a report of bullying made against him to church, before his rape of me. Since the bishop’s statement in May 2023, another person, who came across it, has come forward to share their experience of him sexually violating them, harassing them, and sending abusive and threatening messages. They reported this to the police in 2019 using his previous name, Nicholas Cant, before he changed it to Nicholas Leger in 2020.
Including me, that is six victims so far.
My pleas for public action to make a way for others harmed by Nick to come forward and access support were met with continued refusal. I was told:
- “We do not know whether there are any other victims and in respect of privacy, neither should we.”
- There is “no necessity to involve the church” as this was a “private matter” between my rapist and me.
- Nick’s friends might feel it unfair as he was not here any longer.
- That approximately only 100 out of the 800 SAINT-wide congregation may know who Nick is so it would be irrelevant.
- It would impede the coroner’s inquiry into his death, despite the church or London Diocese not once contacting the coroner to ask. The coroner confirmed in writing on multiple occasions that speaking about the disclosure, investigation and charge of rape would not impede their inquiry. These assurances I had to solicit myself and send to the church and diocese.
After over three months of me regularly questioning the church and London Diocese about why a statement would not be made, a statement was eventually made by the bishop and read at the SAINT Shoreditch site by her on 21 May 2023, and put on the London Diocese website. SAINT did not make the statement. It was not read at the Hackney site (where Nick attended for years). It was not posted on the SAINT website or its Instagram page. It did not have SAINT’s name attached to it.
Although the bishop’s statement was based loosely on my proposed statement, I did not see it in full before it was read. I do not agree with the final statement. The London Diocese confirmed to me that it was read in full and agreed to by Nick’s parents prior to its reading. An hour after the statement was read, people in the church were invited to the pub as usual. A SAINT leader, who was present at its reading, posted on their Instagram story a video of people from church drinking and dancing in the street outside the pub afterwards next to a bubble machine with the caption, “Bubble parties after Church.”
Four weeks after making the statement and receiving complaints, it was deleted from the London Diocese website.
You can read the statement on a blog here.
You can read the email sent to me from the London Diocese's Head of Safeguarding below:
Email from the Head of Safeguarding
My Voice
Clearly, the church should have made a statement after Nick’s death when the police investigation had ended. From this point, no legal restrictions were preventing them from doing so. Not only did they fail to do this, but they consistently denied my numerous requests for that to be rectified.
The consequence of their silence and failure to be transparent prevented others harmed by Nick from being made aware and allowed a public spectacle of celebrating Nick’s life. I had no desire to see Nick made a villain posthumously, but the church’s knowledge of the dynamics and its public silence heaped further trauma on me and blocked other victims from receiving the support they needed from their church family.
The humility present in the bishop’s statement was based on my wording. Wording I gave when I believed they could say it with authenticity. Many of the words and sentiments appeared virtuous, but as far as honouring my wishes to open a wide door for others to come forward and get support, these choices were performative at best, and they have now been deleted. This was a three-month fight by me to get a statement read out and the final product felt dismissive.
The purpose of the statement was to help other victims to access support if they wanted it. My concern was not just for SAINT women, as Nick also went to other churches in London including St Peter’s Bethnal Green (before attending SAINT church) and Kings Cross Church (after leaving SAINT church).
The church response itself has been an incredible trauma. I also have no words to describe how painful it was to see a leader I had trusted and people I had considered friends in such a celebratory mood drinking and dancing immediately after the statement being read.
I can no longer be in contact with this church. I have not received an apology from them for their mishandling of this. After sharing why their actions and responses were concerning and hurtful, I continually received the response “I’m sorry you feel this way.” Silence from people who are supposed to love you is indeed painful. This trauma has felt as painful as dealing with the trauma of the rape itself. I am grateful for friends and family outside of the church who have been an amazing support to me, but it has been a lonely and disappointing road to watch many choose to remain silent.
I felt more loved, empowered, and supported by the Metropolitan Police than I did by my church. The “what would you do if he was your brother” attitude towards sexual violence is sadly a pervasive one both inside and outside of the Church. This coupled with a toxic theology of ‘cheap grace’, is a cultural issue, particularly in young charismatic churches, that the Church sadly still struggles with today. Dietrich Bonhoeffer defines cheap grace as “the preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance, baptism without church discipline, Communion without confession, absolution without personal confession. Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ, living and incarnate”.
Perhaps the question that should have been asked is ‘What would you do if she was your sister?’
I have been reminded of the parable of the Good Samaritan in this season. Where religious ‘church people’ are passive, God will find others to carry out his work of justice and compassion. Despite the statement on 21 May 2023 suggesting the church is on top of safeguarding, this was not a safe place for me. It continued to feel more unsafe as I sought help, and their lack of trauma-informed care has compounded my trauma. The London Diocese Head of Safeguarding’s words stating, “There is a plan to do more as part of our practice improvement such as posters in parishes” does not fill me with confidence.
There is a lament for many reasons here. But my lament in all of this is that I have been the victim of Nick’s unjust actions and in the public celebration of Nick’s life and silence about the truth, I felt like the forgotten victim. In addition to healing from the trauma of the rape itself, Nick’s lack of repentance and ownership of his actions meant I was dragged through an intrusive and protracted criminal justice process for almost a year. Following his rape, I was diagnosed with complex PTSD and severe depression. Nick Leger’s (Nick Cant) death does not negate the lifelong consequences of his rape for me. It does not negate the consequences for others he sexually violated. The images of him raping me will remain in my memory for the rest of my life.
I was devastated to find out since Nick’s death just how many people in the church knew he had been arrested and was being investigated by the police for sexual assault of me/a congregant, and yet continued in their friendship with him as though all was well. My spiritual brothers and sisters, encircling around my rapist without a fraction of concern for their spiritual sister. Some in church employment; Some whom I knew and trusted; Some who even went so far as to seek legal advice on his behalf in attempt to ‘get him off’; Some in positions of trust in the church who not only failed to care for me but also shared my name without consent to others in the community (despite my legal right to lifelong anonymity). To the best of my knowledge, they did not encourage Nick to confess to the police. Nick did not appear to be surrounded by Christians encouraging him to take responsibility for his actions and engage in the spiritual practice of confession. The Christian way would have been to encourage Nick to have the courage to walk out his personal beliefs - as hard as that may have been - and surround him with support as he faced the consequences of his actions. It would have required courage from Nick and seen him face earthly consequences. But it was a way in which he could have restoration - God’s redemptive potential.
This was not loving, either to me or to Nick.
When Nick left church, he was not short of church members reaching out to and supporting him.
I was the victim who also needed a loving community’s support.
Support
For anyone who has been affected by this for any reason, I can say that my experience with Safe Spaces since January 2023 is that they do provide an independent support service. In my experiences with them, I found them safe and trauma-informed. They listened to me, and they supported me, and from this, I trust they would do the same for you. Survivor’s Gateway is also able to refer you to appropriate support services and I found them safe, trauma-informed, and trustworthy.
Please, do not suffer alone. Please seek support. Let my painful experiences pave a way for you to feel less alone. For you to receive the care you deserve.